Friday, January 7, 2011

The Middle School Years - Zombies, Doughnuts, Obscene Noises and A Star Wars Melee

When the doctor told me I was having a girl (actually he said "hamburger, next year try for hot dog" in accented English) I figured along the way there would be talk of boys and giggling and who liked who and talk over which singer or actor is hotter, at no point did I think I would have to referee a Star Wars Melee or tell the Zombies to quit pulling the Mummies wrappings off. I also never thought that my beautiful little girl would be having a contest with her cousin (another girl) N to see who could make the most realistic and most disgusting farting noises by zerberting their arms.

Really, I didn't.

Melodrama, I could foresee and expected. I did not expect a lightsabre battle, fought with empty pop bottles, ranging all over my house between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader - complete with the conversation that went something like:

Vader: Luke, I am your father (played by N, with a very deep voice)

Luke: Maybe, but I'm still going to win (played by Bug, with much giggling).

Then there were the battles between Luke and Yoda, Vader and Yoda, Leia and Luke, and Leia and Amadala complete with recited lines and adlibbed responses. The melee was called a tie because all the lightsabres had been broken and the combatants were getting dangerously close to the books.

Following the lightsabre melee, there was the fart making contest, interspersed with Mummies and Zombies chasing each other through the house ending when the kitten got herself stuck in a Styrofoam doughnut requiring assistance to remove her.

There has been no talk of boys or school or this person or that person, but there is giggling. A lot of it. Although, I am afraid of what I'll walk into, since the last coherent discussion we had covered the color mold and growing microbes in a petrie dish.

And in the middle of this Bug asked how boys have sex with each other.

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